Stop #6: Auburn, Indiana (#345)

Less than 24 hours after our quest brought us to the Brownsburg Steak 'n' Shake location, the quest brought us to the Auburn location.

The Brownsburg and Auburn locations have something in common. Two somethings, actually. But they have nothing to do with Gordon Hayward. In case some of you readers were excited to hear more about him -- I'm sorry to let you down. (And, in the more likely case, in case some of you were sick of hearing about him, I'm trying not to scare you off -- though I'm disappointed that you're sick of hearing about him. I mean, really? Did you see that face? Did you see that awesome basketballing? Did you go find that rap and listen to it? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE SICK OF HIM?)

The Brownsburg location and the Auburn location are both the sole locations in their respective towns. Brownsburg has exactly one Steak 'n' Shake, and Auburn has exactly one Steak 'n' Shake.

I know, that part's not that thrilling.

The part that IS thrilling, is that the Steak 'n' Shake website was incorrect in its listing of their open hours.

You see, the website lists that the Brownsburg location closes at 3 a.m. on weekdays. Which simply isn't true, as our waitress told us Thursday night. They're now 24/7, as all good Steak 'n' Shakes should be.

And at Auburn, it says closing time ("one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer ...." Speaking of, seriously, why does Steak 'n' Shake not serve alcohol? I swear I'd eat SO MUCH MORE there if they did. And Steak 'n' Shake would, believe it or not, BE EVEN MORE FUN!) is midnight on weekdays. But the manager there told us that they've actually gone 24/7, too.

It was like winning the lottery when it comes to finding out good news related to Steak 'n' Shake. I mean, two of them now open 24/7 that didn't used to be? GLORIOUS.

At any rate.

So we discovered fun information on the sixth Steak 'n' Shake stop.


Which, the sign reminds you, was in Auburn. In case you forgot. Already.

It was a really fun trip, because we had many guests join us.

For example, there was Adrianne, who went to BU with us, but is from Auburn and now lives there again and who used to work at this particular Steak 'n' Shake, which is why she felt so free to grab me a placemat with nothing on the back so that I could make the sign you see above.


She was happy to join us. Or happy that she and Brett had just come from the Applebee's across the parking lot, where she had been partaking in some adult beverages. Of course, then someone had to point out that Steak 'n' Shake itself does not serve such adult beverages. Then she and Brett BOTH got sad, which is weird, 'cause Brett never gets sad. Only angry.


Actually, it kind of looks like they're praying. Which you actually are allowed to do, contrary to some rumors that I saw discredited on Snopes.com.

Speaking of prayer, I found out while at this stop of the Steak 'n' Shake quest that one of my friends and another guest we had at this particular Steak 'n' Shake is now ordained! Yay! This is exciting to me, 'cause I'm starting to worry that my church's priest is never going to okay me and Fiancé to get married, meaning we will have to draft someone else to do it, and hey Sean, have I ever mentioned how you're, like, the best ever, and, like, my favoritest person ever, and how I heart you dearly and sincerely, and you're, like, the best ever, for reals?

Seriously, though. Sean said he does a Ninja wedding ceremony, the details of which I will not reveal here but which I promise are awesome. I may intentionally ditch the priest for that, not gonna lie. Hey Fiancé, can we have my friend marry us in a ceremony that incorporates ninjadom?

Our final remaining guest at this Steak 'n' Shake stop in this quest was Tim. Tim is probably someone who needs a nickname of some form in my life, because I have about a thousand Tims too many, now that I think about it, and this Tim is currently the only one going nicknameless. Seriously. I have my younger brother Tim, who is listed in my phonebook as Not-So-Little Brother. I have my Little Sis in my (coed) band service sorority from my undergrad years, Sister Tim. Shortly after Sister Tim joined Tau Beta Sigma, another Tim joined our brother organization. He was, of course, dubbed Brother Tim. My dad has a fishing buddy named Tim, and thus he is Fishin' Tim.

And of course, there is Waiter Tim. How could we ever forget Waiter Tim? Be still, my heart!

Which brings us right back here, to Steak 'n' Shake, and my dilemma of needing a nickname for Tim.

Also, because I very recently watched an episode of "Scrubs" in which Janitor gives JD hell for not knowing anyone's real names in the hospital and only knowing the stupid nicknames he has assigned to them himself, I would like to defend myself and that my system is nothing like JD's.

First off, the nicknames I give are not stupid. I mean, seriously. "Waiter Tim" versus "Snoop Dog Resident." Who wins? I'll tell you who. Waiter Tim. And not only because he makes makes me want to take him into a dark alley and do naughty things to him that would get us a rating of at least a PG-13 if we were to star in a movie. And "Colonel Doctor" versus "Not-So-Little Brother"? One is a nickname that could be taken as an insult, based on an episode of "People's Court" I watched today in which the plaintiff brought a witness who had been insulted in the incident in question when a customer-type-person called him, the witness, "Colonel Sanders." The other is a crafty crafty twist of words based on the fact that sometimes "younger brother" and "little brother" are terms used interchangeably, yet my "little brother" has not been littler than me since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. When we stood on each other's shoulders. Which we had to do because, as my college band director once pointed out, we come from a family of Lilliputians.

Second off, I actually do know everyone's real names in this situation, so back off. Their real names are Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, and Tim.

Seriously, I do know all their names, but will refrain from posting them because hey, there is such a thing as privacy. Unless you're Facebook friends with me, in which case, everyone already knows your name already (it's like "Cheers" over there), and they know where you live and have seen where you sleep.

Just kidding. If you're on Facebook, you don't even have to be friends with me to have your privacy trampled. It comes with the territory!

At any rate. Adrianne and Brett were clearly too sad for being in a Steak 'n' Shake, so me, Sean, and Needs-a-Nickname Tim (and no, that won't be the nickname) showed them how excited you're really supposed to be when you're in a Steak 'n' Shake.


Okay. That might be a little TOO excited. But give us a break, the shakes had just arrived!

While we were at the Auburn Steak 'n' Shake, we saw a woman who looked frighteningly similar to the Maternal One. (Note: Yeah, I actually gave my mom a nickname too. I'm weird. Sorry.)

I had to pretend I was taking a picture of Brett in order to get a picture of her.


Seriously. A close-up for you doubters out there:

Ahhh! It's like the Deanna Doppleganger!

Except the Maternal One doesn't normally have such an expression on her face.

Of course, me taking pictures of Brett in order to get pictures of Deanna Doppleganger in the background led to Brett being angry at me.


Ah. Now THERE'S the Brett we all know and love. Or, you know, know.

And so, after a blissful treat of french fries and a cookie dough milkshake (for me, anyway), Steak 'n' Shake Stop #6 in our quest Around the State in 70 Steaks, and Shakes, came to an end.


We all headed out our separate ways. With most of us driving right past this sign, which I chose to get a photo of because, hey, you haven't seen any exterior shots in here yet anyway, have you? Save for those depicting Weather of Mass Destruction? And besides, this is right next to I-69, which is an interstate I've come to know and love in the past several years, 'cause it always takes me home. Also hate and despise, 'cause it also, inevitably, takes me away.

That bitch.