I dream of Steak 'n' Shake

Sometimes I find reason to post that isn't an actual stop at Steak 'n' Shake.

For example, a few nights back, I had a dream about Steak 'n' Shake. And not just a dream where I happened to be at Steak 'n' Shake -- that would feel like no big deal. I often dream about places where I happen to spend a lot of my time -- the library, the lotion store, misery.

I must say, though, that it's a bit strange to dream not just about being in the place, but about the menu -- specifically, something on the menu I've never had before.

My dream started with me entering a Steak 'n' Shake. I don't really know which one. But it was probably in Indiana.

Once I got there, I found Mizener, along with a bunch of people from Purdue. They were having something like a going away party for Mizener, since he was leaving for Texas, and I was actually kind of upset that no one had called me to come join.

Once I walked in the door, though, they waved me over to join. I was making my way there when I noticed a coworker, Heather, sitting at a table in another part of the dining room. She was there with about four other women. I went over to say hi to them, and they invited me join at an empty seat at their table.

I sat down. Pretty quickly, a waitress came out to take my order -- everyone else at the dable was already eating -- and I asked for the blueberry pancakes, something I've been wanting to try but so far haven't actually awaken early enough to order.

After a moment or two, the pancakes came out, and they were glorious, but not exactly what I had anticipated. Instead of being pancakes with blueberries in them, the pancakes were standard pancakes -- but they came with not plain butter, but a butter-blueberry blend of amazingness that I wanted to buy in a bottle and bring home to use on my own pancakes. Or just guzzle.

Heather and her friends chatted with me, but I frankly don't remember what we chatted about 'cause I was so engrossed in blueberry pancakes. I hope for all our sakes that the conversation did not result in a solution to bring world peace, with me as the one taking minutes for our little meeting, 'cause the U.N.'s going to be dumping large vats of buttery-blueberry syrup on the world if that's what it comes down to.

Stop #35: 38th Street (#33)

My bachelorette party, as I'm sure it's no surprise, resulted in some Steak 'n' Shake activity.

Yup. That's me, in full bachelorette party attire, getting excited about what I initially thought was the Steak 'n' Shake headquarters and later learned was actually the Testing Kitchen. Which I need to petition to get into because, seriously, how awesome would that be?

Of course, I did not get in that night. Come on. Bachelorette party. Who in their right mind would let me in?

Instead, I did what I've been wanting tod o for some time now: get drunk -- or, in reality, just a bit tipsy -- and go to the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street.

Of course, because it was the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street, and it was, as the sign above shows, 3 a.m., and as a result, I must have been lonely, huh?, Kyanne and I were a bit scared.

Emily, too, was frightened.

We'd all ridden the mechanical bull at Cadillac Ranch right after seeing another girl chip her tooth when she fell off the thing, and yet here we were, in the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street, scared and shakin' in our boots. Or heels, depending on what type of bachelorette party you think I was having.

So we tried to make it a quick stop. I got the Guacamole Steak Frank and fries, because on the night of your bachelorette party, it's like a requisite thing that everything must somehow come back to things of a phallic nature.

A typical bachelorette party.

Pictured: The giant penis (stuffed) that one bachelorette party brought to the bar.

Not pictured: The giant penis (balloon) that the other bachelorette party brought to the bar.

Also not pictured: My milkshake, which brings all the boys to the yard.

There, that's better.

Though my night was actually somewhat tame, in part because I'd asked Kyanne not to incorporate a lot of penises into my party.

Fortunately, Kyanne's the type of spectacular friend who knows when I don't mean exactly what I say. Because she presented me with the following card:

Which really only makes sense if you've read Hyperbole and a Half. Though, if you're reading my blog, you're on the Internet, and if you're on the Internet, you really kind of have to have heard of Hyperbole and a Half. Hell, half the time Allie is my inspiration. The other half of the time, she is simply hyperbole.

But I digress. The point is, a fantastic night of bachelorette party festivities culminated in a stop at Steak 'n' Shake that wasn't just any stop, but the stop that actually marks the halfway point of this quest.

As the sign says, "Oh-oh, we're halfway there. Oh-oh, livin' on a prayer."

And a Frisco Melt and cheese fries. Which might be why we need the prayer.

Stop #34: Crawfordsville (#653)

On August 12, Emily and I squeezed in a stop at the Steak 'n' Shake in Crawfordsville.

We'd just had a fun girls' afternoon and evening -- I'd had to go to my final dress fitting, then we went shopping for wedding-related stuff, and finally came back to Emily's house for an alternate dress fitting. Meanwhile, the boys were out having Fiancé's bachelor party, camping in somewhere-that-wasn't here. With strippers. Because no bachelor party is complete without strippers.

Once we got to Steak 'n' Shake, Emily began working on some potential beading patterns for one of her many projects.

Meanwhile, I decided to write a story for our waiter, Cole.

Unfortunately, I suffered a bout of writer's block.


I ended up ordering food, in hopes that it would help.

Thankfully, the dress fitting I'd had hours earlier
shamed me into this slightly healthier version of dinner.

And miracle of miracles, it did!


Unfortunately, I began to run out of steam, and had to get something more. In the form of a cookie sundae, which I had till that day not tried.

Sense of shame? Looks like she ate it.
What will she eat next? The menu? The table?

And voila! More story!


As my story developed, I drafted Emily to help by crafting a "Magic Hat" as described in the story.

Of course, by "described", I mean "mentioned in passing, as I really was unsure as to how to describe a Magic Hat."

While she worked, I finished out the tale of Cole.


And, of course, tried on the Magic Hat, to make sure it would work. And I would have to say it did, as when I pointed my pen-wand and cried "Transcribicus storius!", it was transcribed here, in the Quest Blog.


Once upon a time, there was a Steak 'n' Shake server named Cole. He was a dedicated server, bringing all of his customers their food promptly and refilling drinks as necessary.
One day, he was visited by two girls, one of whom was on a quest -- a quest to visit every Steak 'n' Shake in Hoosierlandia. But Cole was unaware of her quest, and so treated her the same way he would anyone else -- with prompt food and quick refills.
Impressed, the girl called to him.
"Oh wise Cole!" she said. "Truly, you are a wise man, named Cole!" (Hey, I never said she was eloquent.)
Cole was stunned by her outburst and gave her a confused look.
"Because you have been so wise, oh Cole, I have a gift for you." She beamed as she handed something that looked vaguely familiar to him.
Cole's heart sank. "This? This is my gift for being the wise Cole?" He shook his head in disbelief. "This is a Steak 'n' Shake hat."
"But Cole!" she cried, aghast. "This is not just ANY Steak 'n' Shake hat! This is a MAGIC hat!"
"Magic, eh?" Cole said, for it turns out Cole was Canadian in a previous life. He tugged it over his head, pointed his pen at the light, and cried, "Avada Kedavra!"
The girl giggled. "Oh wise Cole, don't be silly! You can't kill the lights!"
Cole's face fell. "But Britney told me to."
Indeed, Britney Spears' voice was blaring through the speakers of the Steak 'n' Shake dining room, over a pounding dance beat.
The girl on the quest sighed and pointed at the hat.
"Yes, but you see, the Magic Hat is of Sword and the Stone ancestry. It is powerless when coupled with Harry Potter curses."
"And besides," added the other girl, who till now had sat silently, observing, "the Magic Hat must only be used for good, and never evil."
"She would know," the first girl said. "She created it."
Cole adjusted the hat on his head. "By the power vested in me," he said, for it turns out Cole was a Canadian preacher in a previous life, "I vow to never again attempt to use the Magic Hat for evil. Or split my infinitives."
"Huzzah!" the girls cheered, and there was great rejoicing in all Hoosierlandia.
From thence forward, the girl on the quest spread the story of the wise Cole and his triumph over evil. And split infinitives.

Once I finished the story, Emily and I got around to leave, and stopped just to take our group picture.

Unfortunately, sometimes self-timer doesn't so much work out.


Fortunately, sometimes the Steak 'n' Shake manager who is standing at the counter notices your failed attempts with the self-timer, and points out that he could take the picture for you, especially given the fact that he was a professional photographer before he worked at the Steak 'n' Shake.

Of course, I have to wonder why he's working at a Steak 'n' Shake now ....

Stop #33: Southport & 37 (#584)

The day after the stops in Clarksville and Seymour, I had a meeting at Bath and Body Works for work. When it was over, coworker Jen and I decided to go to -- where else? -- Steak 'n' Shake.

And so my fellow "Social Media Diva" from our practice skits in the meeting and I made Stop #33 at the Steak 'n' Shake on Southport & 37.


We had a pretty fun time. I got the chicken tenders and fries.


And, apparently, three honey mustards.

Jen and I had fun talking about such things as "Glee," the kid who plays Kurt in "Glee," the girl who plays Rachel in "Glee," when "Glee" season 2 comes out on DVD, the "Glee" movie (which is out in 3-D), and many other things "Glee," and only "Glee." After all, we were the BBW "Social Media Divas" for the night.

No, no, that's not really true. As "Social Media Divas," we really didn't talk about "Glee" at all. We got super excited about lip gloss, 'cause we were going to make a YouTube video about proper use of cosemetics. Well, we apparently were going to do that, until our friend Julie tweeted about this awesome new fragrance, "Paris Amour," which sounded fantastic and we then had to go find, immediately, all while behaving in manners that, though dictated on our role-playing cards, scared off our fellow co-workers.

And as just me and Jen, we really didn't talk only about "Glee." We talked about other music, too, and things not related to music or BBW at all.

Like whether we thought Steak 'n' Shake was trying to avoid copyright violations or something with the following advertisements:

Butterfinger, clearly incorporated into the shake,
and using the Butterfinger slogan:
"Crispety, Crunchety, Peanut-buttery!"

Peanut Butter Cups, using Reese's colors
but not exactly claiming Reese's as the ingredient,
using what feels like a modified Butterfinger slogan:
"Creamy, Chocolatey, Peanut-buttery!"

Dessert discussion made us both really want dessert.

And so, for me, something I haven't had since before Lent:


The fudge brownie sundae! It's creamy, chocolatey, peanut-buttery goodness! Without the peanut-buttery part, anyway.

And Jen? Jen got the standard fudge sundae.


Sadly, she forgot to order it without nuts, which was exactly why she didn't order the fudge brownie sundae for herself.

On the upside, they're easier to pick around in sundae that doesn't stick them right inside the brownie.

I was having a grand ol' time when Fiancé texted to ask when I'd be home, and I realized it was something like 10 p.m. already. So Jen and I called it a night and headed back.

Stop #32: Seymour (#254)

Stop #32 happened the same day as Stop #31 and took us to Seymour, Indiana.


Us was me, Fiancé ...

Yes, I WAS this excited that Fiancé came in.

... Stepdaughter-to-be, Emily, and Josh.

Though Fiancé wanted to pretend Brett was there with us.

Note, the above does NOT count for
the "Catch Caragher!" game.
Shocking, I know, but I did hide him elsewhere.

We were on our way back from Kentucky, where we had had lunch with the aunt and uncle at one of their favorite ribs places. As a result, the Seymour stop ended up being mostly about the milkshakes.

I got one of my new favorites: Cookies 'n' Cream with a cookie on top.


When we got there, the server noted the small child with us and brought out the kids kit again, so once again, Emily ended up putting together a cardboard car.


Meanwhile, Josh tried to hide behind a menu, somewhat ineffectively, which is why I did him a favor and just cropped him mostly out.

I decided to try to do the cryptoquip on the back of the placemat.


And yes, I said cryptoquip, and not anagram. Recently, someone told me they tried to do the cryptoquip, and that it didn't actually work.

But I did get it to work. And here's the answer. For those of you who haven't thought to check the bottom right corner of the placemat.

ZEN LBE MOO TAF SEAMRYMIZ
where Z=T, E=R, S=B, A=E, and O=L
translates to
TRY OUR ALL NEW BREAKFAST
because N=Y while Y does not =N, O=L=O, S=B but B does not =S, B=U, I=S, M=A but A does not =M, T=N but N does not =T, F=W, E=R but R does not =E, R=K.

Yes. I did just write all that out. You're welcome, Earth.

The stop in Seymour was also not terribly long, as we'd already had a long day, but I've got to say, I'd be glad to swing by the Seymor Steak 'n' Shake again -- it was a pretty good time.

Stop #31: Clarksville (#704)

August 6 turned into a fun day in which we (Fiancé and future family) were productive AND managed to squeeze in some SnS, starting with the one in Clarksville.


The boys had to pick up a camper from Fiancé's aunt and uncle, who live in Tennessee. They offered to meet us halfway, in Kentucky, so we set off, putting Clarksville as on the way.

Sadly, the boys were not as excited about the Steak 'n' Shake stop, so just us girls went in for a quick stop, while the boys headed off to the nearby dollar store to buy some toothpaste.

Emily ordered some cheese fries and the new cherry limeade.


Stepdaughter-to-be woke up around the time it arrived and said, "Cherries!"

While sharing her cherries (and, eventually, fries and cheese, the latter of which Stepdaughter-to-be decided to dip her cherries in as well), Emily put together one of the cars for Stepdaughter-to-be to play with.

Unfortunately, Stepdauther-to-be was confused initially.

No no!
If you tear the roof off the sucker, it won't drive!

So I showed her how you're supposed to play with them.


... 'cause there are totally right and wrong ways to play with the cardboard car. And the pop out Shaker and Goldie toys.

Realizing the futility of my goal, I gave the car and characters back, and proceeded to work on the word search on the back of Stepdaughter-to-be's placemat while I enjoyed what I ordered -- onion rings.

I knew they had chocolate and strawberry,
but would you expect a Lye Shake,
a Dam(n) Shake, or a Poo Shake?

We made the stop a quick one, though, as we still had to get to Kentucky to pick up a camper and come back to Indianapolis. Plus the boys were just hanging out in the truck, waiting, so we felt a bit bad. At least, I did.

Then again, I guess they deserve it for bailing on the stop. Maybe that'll learn 'em to join me in my quest, rather than mocking me for it. :)

And thus ends our visit to the Clarksville Steak 'n' Shake. We didn't get a group shot, 'cause the servers were way too busy. Maybe that'll teach you, Clarksville, to try and get by with just one Steak 'n' Shake. Jeez.

Stop #30: Meijer Way, Lafayette (#266)

Stop #30 allowed me to finish out the Steak 'n' Shakes in Lafayette.


Stop #30 will also be known from now as "Mizener's Last Stand," as Mizener is leaving for Tejas this Sunday, which will probably prevent him from attending much more of the quest, in part because he won't be in Indiana anymore, and in part because he'll be in Texas, where there is a sad lack of Steak 'n' Shakes: only 19, concentrated in the Dallas, Austin, and Houston areas.


For his last stand, Mizener decided to try the Steakburger Royale, which he really enjoyed.

I, on the other hand, decided to go healthy ...

If you ignore the dressing, that is.

... then unhealthy.

It's not just any Double Steakburger and Fries.
That's a Double Steakburger and ROGUE CHEESE with Fries.

All this was joined in my belly by a Cherry Coke.

While hanging out at the Steak 'n' Shake on Meijer Way, Mizener and I befriended our waiter, Adam, who was awesome in part because he at least feigned interest in the quest -- though I'm tempted to say it wasn't fake interest, as he kept coming back to our table with different questions, including some related to the scariness of Steak 'n' Shakes in Indianapolis. I mentioned the stop at Post & 25th, but clarified that other than that, Indianapolis isn't so bad.

Adam also qualifies as one of the most awesome servers ever because he, too, plays sax.

"Oooh, which flavor?" I asked.

And, like me, he has played all the main ones. Though I guess I neglected to ask his primary, so I have no idea if he is indeed among my alto brethren, or just a tenor cousin.

All the same, I made him be in a picture with me. Just for playin' sax. See people? This is what you get when you're cool, and you play a sax. You get to hang with other cool people.


Of course, this got us all into a conversation about band jokes. Adam had not heard most of the ones that Mizener and I shared, so we ended up writing them down for him to keep permanently.


For the rest of you readers, who also love band jokes, I'm including a short collection here:

How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

How do you tune two flutes?
Shoot one.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.

What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Three drummers are in the back of a car -- who's driving?
The cop.

Two tubas walk by a bar.
It COULD happen.

What's the difference between an onion and an oboe?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.

What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
The country singer may have been on his way to a recording session.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the timpanist get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a bari sax?
Add vibrato.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.

Speaking of bass clarinetists, Brett suffered a joke while Mizener and I were out. I had been telling Mizener about some of the inappropriateness that had gone on at a family bridal shower the previous weekend -- namely inappropriateness involving the male organ, or items containing the image of one -- which brought up the Penis Game, which Mizener hadn't heard of.

"You haven't heard of the Penis Game?" I was appalled. "How could you not know about the Penis Game? Brett plays it a lot!"

"No, that's called masturbation," Mizener clarified.

I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't get around to adding that Fiancé likes to play the Penis Game all too frequently, too.

Also, for those unfamiliar with the Penis Game, it is definitely not a code word for masturbation -- probably because most people realize that that would be a terrible code word for such an activity. To play, you and whoever your playing with basically alternate turns saying "Penis," getting progressively louder until someone is shamed into not saying it again, meaning s/he loses.

An awesome place to try to play this game? Church. Not that I ever have. Though Brett probably has.

Unfortunately, Mizener and I did have to leave earlier than I would have liked to -- I had to drive back to Indy, and we wanted to squeeze a couple episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" in before I headed out.

So we got the Awesome Adam to take our picture, and headed out.


Thanks Adam! You rock! Best server ever? Definitely up there!

Stop #29: Muncie, IN (#165)

Stop #29 took me to the Muncie location the day after Stop #28.


Emily and I were on our way back to Indy from a family cook-out and decided to swing through Muncie so Emily could take a brief trip down memory lane -- she went to Ball State, and had many a trip to this particular Steak 'n' Shake, prompting her to alert the masses via Facebook.


I, meanwhile, decided to grab a Steak 'n' Shake hat, and mimic the guy in the Steak 'n' Shake commercials.

Silly Hat.
You can't go throwing confetti and balloons
just 'cause it's "Happy Hour"!
Especially when it's not Happy Hour.

I don't think I mimicked very well.

I also became occupied by my crayons, which finally, probably due to July's record-setting temperatures, fell to the heat.


Yup. They melted together.

It reminded me of when I was younger -- nine or ten? -- and decided to get artistic and creative. I took a bunch of small crayons that weren't worth much due to their brokenness and unsharpenedness, put them on a blank sheet of paper in the microwave, and set the microwave to nuke for a minute or two.

For the record, if anyone wants to try that, just make sure you peel the paper off first. Unless you're trying to start a fire.

Not that I necessarily did start a fire.
Not that I necessarily didn't, either.

But hey, the melted wax looked interesting when I was done.

As the crayons here do.


Once the sign was done, Emily and I ordered: a Frisco melt and french fries for me, and a Frisco shooter and cheese fries for Emily.

Look! The fries are so big in comparison that they could eat the shooter!
Too bad Emily beat them to it.

And I finally felt better about my "World's Saddest Frisco Melt" from a couple months earlier.

Shortly before we left, we noticed something interesting was afoot at the Muncie Steak 'n' Shake.

At first I wasn't sure.


But then I was.


A Denny's Defector!


Emily and I decided to get going before the Steak 'n' Shake imploded from the hypocrisy. Though at least it was not Steak 'n' Shake hypocrisy we were facing.