Stop #55: Richmond (#235)

In early June, I headed dangerously close to Ohio in order to continue with my Steak 'n Shake Quest.

Dangerously close.

But then, what's a quest without a bit of danger?

And so, Splenda joined me for her first Quest Stop and ventured with me to Richmond, Indiana.

Being as close to Ohio as we were, we decided to tempt the fates, and actually venture into Ohio.

See? That's the bridge over nothing, the path to nowhere, the sure sign that you are headed for ... Ohio.

Confirmation: That's us in Ohio. You can tell, because Ohio is the only reason to be so sad.

Don't believe me? Think we just got close to the bridge and turned around? My trusty(ish) navigator pal, GPSy, can show you.

Think I used my awesome awesome tech skills to confuse my less-than-genius navigator and trick it into saying we were in Ohio?

Not so. Against my better judgment, I went into that gas station we were stopped at and contributed to the Ohio economy by buying gummy worms.

And what did my receipt reveal?

That Ohio somehow thinks they have a new and improved version of one of the top international cities. Pfft. Ohio. You so silly!

And dangerous. So Splenda and I high-tailed it out of there.

But of course, the primary focus of this trip was Steak 'n Shake, and not our death-defying adventures into *shudder* Ohio.

We had come this far east for Steak 'n Shake.

Though we did continue to make fun of Ohio once we got there.

First, I drew some artwork.

 

A look at my interpretation of the states.

Then Splenda tried her hand.

A close-up of the finished product for those who wan to see her awesomeness.

Though we realized partway through our visit that we were probably surrounded by Ohioans. Fortunately, they didn't actually attack us or anything. Though we were getting the evil eye from some fellow customers.

So we called for back-up.

Becca was jealous that she couldn't join us on this quest trip, but I promised we would call her and she could be with us in spirit.

After chatting with Becca a bit, we went ahead and ordered. I got my standard guacburger and fries.

After eating (and getting the stinkeye from what we suspected were several surrounding Buckeyes), we did the traditional "group photo" and headed out.

And, of course, shortly after taking this photo, we stepped outside and confirmed, by looking around the parking lot, that we had indeed been surrounded by citizens of that un-great state, Ohio.

Frankly, you're lucky to be reading this post from me. Having been that close to Ohio, then in Ohio, then surrounded by Ohioans -- that's almost as bad as driving blindfolded with no seatbelt.

Also almost as stupid.

Stop #54: Coldwater, Fort Wayne (#173); also, Interlude: Rosemont, IL

May has not provided me many opportunities to make progress on my quest. It has, however, provided me an abnormally high number of opportunities to attend concerts -- and for each of those activities, a stop at Steak 'n Shake was involved.

And thus, you have a post featuring both Rammstein ...

... and Lacuna Coil.

First up was a concert in Chicago, Illinois, featuring Rammstein the first Friday of May.

I went with my BBW friend Jen. She was really excited about seeing Rammstein.

I was really excited about stopping by the Steak 'n Shake in Rosemont beforehand.

Of course, I was also relatively excited about seeing Rammstein. I was a little familiar with their music, and I've yet to attend a concert that I didn't at least have a marginally positive experience at.

But mostly, the Steak 'n Shake was what I looked forward to.

And so, we ended up at the Steak 'n Shake in Rosemont with my friend Kathy, where we saw many fellow Rammstein concert-goers, mostly due to the fact that this particular Steak 'n Shake is just down the road from the concert venue.

It was pretty exciting. I noticed that on our placemats, new milkshakes were being promoted.

Specifically, banana milkshakes.

Unfortunately, these were the only two photos I got from that Steak 'n Shake. You'll have to take my word for the fact that I had a Guacburger, side salad with French dressing, and French fries, as well as accepting the following as a "group picture":

Note: This does not qualify as the Catch Caragher image for this post. Too, too obvious.

Because this was not an official Steak 'n Shake quest, I feel very little remorse for missing these valuable, valuable photo ops.

The concert ended up going well as well, and I can say that Rammstein has earned a new, if slightly disturbed by content, fan.

The next Steak 'n Shake stop, which happened on May 19th (and also a little bit in the wee early hours of May 20), was following a Lacuna Coil concert at Piere's in Fort Wayne.

 

Again, I went to the concert with my BBW friend Jen. Because she is awesome. And in this instance, I had relatively equal levels of excitement for the concert and the Steak 'n Shake stop.

 

 Steak 'n Shake stop #54 took us to the location on Coldwater in Fort Wayne. Just in time to hit rush hour by prom-goers. Seriously, there were about thirty billion high school kids in their prom get-ups when Jen and I got there. But having to wait to be seated wasn't a super-huge bad deal, as we were also waiting for a couple of friends, Sean and Paul, to show up to join us.

Sadly, this was not the wait for our table was not the most disappointing part of our stop.

For starters, we were seated without placemats. As placemats are valuable to my Steak 'n Shake stop experiences, I went to the front of the store to pull a variety of mats for our whole table.

This batch included one kids' placemat.

Correction: One used kids' placemat.

I swear on my life, I did not connect-the-dots that Steakburger.
Also, I did not inhale.
Also, I did not have sex with that woman.
Most importantly, though, and most true, I did not connect-the-dots that Steakburger.

Also in the placemat collection I selected was yet another placemat advertising the new banana blended milkshakes.

And so, when our server arrived to take our orders, Sean felt obligated to ask what the difference was between the Ultimate Banana milkshake and the regular banana milkshake.

Friends, I cannot put into words the horror Sean felt at the answer. Indeed, Sean had to illustrate just to capture it.

The following is his artistic rendition not just of the answer, but also of the horror he felt at the answer, and the lack of a soul our friend Paul has that was revealed by this interaction.

Yes, folks, you read that right: Not all Steak 'n Shake banana milkshakes contain banana. Rather than being a banana milkshake containing rather large pieces of bananas, or a banana milkshake that turns you into a banana superhero, or a banana milkshake that comes with a banana hammock, or any of the other various awesome things that an "Ultimate Banana" milkshake could be, the reality is that the Ultimate Banana milkshake differs from the regular banana milkshake in that it is made with real bananas, whereas the plain old banana milkshake is made with plantains fake bananas the tears of children banana-flavored syrup.

Also, apologies here to Sean, who didn't know until reading this now which of those shakes was syrup and which was real bananas, and had said he would rather keep it that way. The server's actual answer to the question was as Sean displayed above, just a statement that some milkshakes are made with real bananas and others are not.

As a result, Sean opted not to get any banana milkshakes. Given that I'm not a banana fan in the first place, unless it's artificial flavoring that comes in candies such as runts, was not tempted in the first place. Instead, I opted for a brownie sundae, and was not disappointed.

Pictured: Real cherry, real whip cream, real ice cream, real brownie, real fudge.
Real delicious.

 All in all, this trip to Fort Wayne and Steak 'n Shake stop were enjoyable, even if in some cases disillusioning. And I got to bring home a piece of artwork, which I promised would be hung on my refrigerator as examples of what my four-year-old step-daughter should aspire to.

Because I'm nothing if not a terrible stepmother.

And so thanks, Steak 'n Shake #173! 

Stop #51: Bedford (#663)

On March 31, the long-awaited day that Jen and I had planned finally came.

And we took a road trip to knock out a few Steak 'n Shake stops.

Starting with breakfast at Bedford.


I knew pretty quickly what I wanted.

I believe they call this a homestyle breakfast.

Jen, sadly, was torn.

Silly Jen, that's what the coupon stash is for!

Jen was torn between biscuits 'n gravy, and pancakes.

While she was debating the perks of each order, I was reminded of a fantastic scene from the movie "Cabin Fever."

And, of course, if you've seen the movie, then you can probably guess what scene I'm thinking of based on the food options Jen was weighing.

If you haven't seen the movie, check out that link and watch the clip. Seriously. I'll wait here. I'd have embedded it, so you wouldn't even have to leave for a moment (also, 'cause I like the scene myself), but the uploader of this clip (and, it seems, all clips of this scene) has disabled embedding.

This memory forced me to update the sign for this stop.

Pancakes! Pancakes!

Jen eventually settled on biscuits 'n gravy. I hardly noticed, as I was having a passionate affair with my own biscuit, not doused in gravy but just plain.


Seriously. Steak 'n Shake biscuits are tasty.


So tasty, that when I left, I found myself doing my own version of martial arts, while crying out for "Biscuits, biscuits!"


Can't say I know who I was doing my martial arts at, but I look pretty darn threatening, don't I? Especially when you add in the unbalanced mental capacity that accompanies the person who is driven to shout the names of breakfast items before launching an attack.


And so Stop #51 ended, in a generally positive manner. Jen and I got back on the road to hit our next Steak 'n Shake town: Evansville.

Stop #49: Meijer Drive, Fort Wayne (#315)

Stop #49 ended up being one of my first impromptu stops.


I was in Fort Wayne for the weekend and had plans to hang out with a couple friends from high school. Sadly, one bailed, which threw off plans for the evening a bit, but happily resulted in our group collectively deciding to go to a Steak 'n Shake I hadn't yet it hit.

After we arrived, the server stopped by to take our order. Since this was an unplanned stop, I didn't have my crayon stash with me, and followed up my food order with a request for crayons.

"Not as part of my actual food order, but could I have some crayons?"

The server helpfully responded with, "Sure! But they are non-toxic, so if you did want to eat them, you could."

Oh no.
This can't end well.


My crayons arrived with the shakes. I was super-excited, though I was restricted to only blue and red using crayons, so I busted out my pens as well (just for artwork and signage's sake).


When faced with a red-pill-blue-pill option, I decided to follow in Neo's footsteps and choose the red. Because I wanted to know the truth about the Matrix.


And that's the face of someone who has regrets. Not the regret of selecting the red pill over the blue pill. The regret of eating a crayon. Because that is going directly to my hips.


When my actual food finally arrived, Sean forced me to put the crayon on my plate, as it was now officially a part of my Guac-Burger, fries, and Chocomazing milkshake order.

For the record, I did not eat any more of that crayon. What you see there was left on the plate with a few stray fries and some renegade guac.

Despite the fact that we decided to go to Steak 'n Shake in part because one of our party members bailed for the night, Sean decided to make him present at Steak 'n Shake all the same.


Yup, the Ben you know and love from stops #46 and #47 was the one who bailed.

This'll learn 'im.

It was a pleasant stop, and as we left, I realized I'd want to come back to this Steak 'n Shake, so I can play their crane game, and win ...


... the actual Steak 'n Shake characters! We have both "Goldie" (the fries) and "Shaker" (the milkshake). The only one I don't see is "Sizzle," the hamburger.

And yes, those really are the names of their characters.

Thus ended Stop #49. Thanks much to Sean and Jody (and Paper Ben) for talking me into this impromptu stop!

Stop #41: IN-933, South Bend (#576)

Stop #41 happened mere hours after Stop #40, and mere miles away.

I was joined by the legendary Kyanne and her fellow Notre Dame grad student, Ankit.


You may remember them from the Mishawaka stop, in which I drooled profusely over Shaun Morgan and crew. Of course, you may remember it better for the creepy picture featuring three Bretts.

While I worked on the sign, they worked on some artwork:


From Ankit, a small person with a ginormous Steakburger.

And from Kyanne, an illustration of my drive up on that particular day, in which Officer Ron pulls me over and gives me a speeding ticket.

It's true. My streak of not just not getting pulled over for speeding but legitimately not really speeding anymore anyway ended as construction and We-Wish-We-Were-Big-Town, Indiana
stop lights put me way behind schedule.

And I was sad.

Fortunately, Steak n' Shake was able to supply me with a Western BBQ Double Steakburger and fries.


And when that wasn't quite enough, they brought me a double chocolate milkshake.


And when that wasn't enough, Kyanne, showing the kind of generosity you could only get from a true friend, let me steal her cherry.


For you cynics out there, I guess it's also possible that it's not so much generosity of a true friend, but of someone who doesn't like whipped cream and pseudo-faux cherries.

But I opt for the generosity thing. :)

After we finished our artwork and food, we decided to head out so we could make it to Kyanne's apartment for a round of Settlers of Catan. Which was spectacular, as I recreated I-80/I-90 around some fields of brick and wheat.

Next brilliant idea? Settlers of Can. AT Steak n' Shake.

Stop #35: 38th Street (#33)

My bachelorette party, as I'm sure it's no surprise, resulted in some Steak 'n' Shake activity.

Yup. That's me, in full bachelorette party attire, getting excited about what I initially thought was the Steak 'n' Shake headquarters and later learned was actually the Testing Kitchen. Which I need to petition to get into because, seriously, how awesome would that be?

Of course, I did not get in that night. Come on. Bachelorette party. Who in their right mind would let me in?

Instead, I did what I've been wanting tod o for some time now: get drunk -- or, in reality, just a bit tipsy -- and go to the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street.

Of course, because it was the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street, and it was, as the sign above shows, 3 a.m., and as a result, I must have been lonely, huh?, Kyanne and I were a bit scared.

Emily, too, was frightened.

We'd all ridden the mechanical bull at Cadillac Ranch right after seeing another girl chip her tooth when she fell off the thing, and yet here we were, in the Steak 'n' Shake on 38th Street, scared and shakin' in our boots. Or heels, depending on what type of bachelorette party you think I was having.

So we tried to make it a quick stop. I got the Guacamole Steak Frank and fries, because on the night of your bachelorette party, it's like a requisite thing that everything must somehow come back to things of a phallic nature.

A typical bachelorette party.

Pictured: The giant penis (stuffed) that one bachelorette party brought to the bar.

Not pictured: The giant penis (balloon) that the other bachelorette party brought to the bar.

Also not pictured: My milkshake, which brings all the boys to the yard.

There, that's better.

Though my night was actually somewhat tame, in part because I'd asked Kyanne not to incorporate a lot of penises into my party.

Fortunately, Kyanne's the type of spectacular friend who knows when I don't mean exactly what I say. Because she presented me with the following card:

Which really only makes sense if you've read Hyperbole and a Half. Though, if you're reading my blog, you're on the Internet, and if you're on the Internet, you really kind of have to have heard of Hyperbole and a Half. Hell, half the time Allie is my inspiration. The other half of the time, she is simply hyperbole.

But I digress. The point is, a fantastic night of bachelorette party festivities culminated in a stop at Steak 'n' Shake that wasn't just any stop, but the stop that actually marks the halfway point of this quest.

As the sign says, "Oh-oh, we're halfway there. Oh-oh, livin' on a prayer."

And a Frisco Melt and cheese fries. Which might be why we need the prayer.