Stop #52: East Division, Evansville (#4804802)

Just hours after our breakfast at the Bedford Steak 'n Shake, Jen and I made our way to the first of two Steak 'n Shakes in Evansville.


Of course, when we first arrived, we weren't terribly hungry. After all, we had just had breakfast a couple hours prior -- it was too soon for lunch. We killed some time at a nearby TJ Maxx, followed by a Target, before heading back to the Steak 'n Shake for the lunches we'd planned since we first got into town.

It was pretty warm, so I decided to go for some cooler options: a grilled chicken salad and cottage cheese.


Jen ordered a Wisconsin Buttery Burger and, when done with that, decided she wanted dessert.


I got jealous. I wanted dessert too!

Tasty, tasty crayons!

Unfortunately, before I could actually enjoy my crayon dessert, Jen swiped them away for a color comparison, since I managed to remember to bring my own crayons on this trip.


We came to the conclusion that the Steak 'n Shake black crayon is better than Crayola's, but Crayola's pinks definitely have something over the Steak 'n Shake one, something more than just the fact that there's two of them.

Then, just as we were getting ready to leave, I noticed something peculiar about this Steak 'n Shake.

That wall ... it's too red. Just too red. What, did you murder someone there?

Anyone else catch it? Something big, you've seen in pretty much all Steak 'n Shakes in this blog up to now?

The Crazy Claw. The Crazy Claw has been stolen from this poor Steak 'n Shake.

... well, not really stolen. We asked our server, Teresa, about it, and she said that they hadn't ever had one, to her knowledge.

Oh, poor Steak 'n Shake #4804802. (And for the record, that is NOT a typo.) You really do deserve a crane game. Any other Steak 'n Shakes out there care to lend a hand?

Unfortunately, Jen and I were to discover worse things about Evansville after this. Things much worse than a Steak 'n Shake lacking its Crazy Claw.

Of course, we didn't know that when this photo was taken.

Stop #40: Ireland, South Bend (#225)

With class canceled on Friday a couple weeks ago, it seemed a terribly appropriate time to make a trip to a Steak n' Shake that was a good distance away.

And so, I headed to South Bend. Which is decidedly north.


Stop numero uno (and #40 in this quest) for the day took me to the location on Ireland, where I met up with my friend, Kate.

I got a California Double Steakburger and fries.


Meanwhile, Kate got the Chili 5-Way and the world's most crooked milkshake.


Seriously, it came in a crooked glass.


Need more proof? I shall use terrible paint editing to prove my point, the same as the paranoid folk who see inappropriate sexual references in every single Disney movie ever.

That milkshake's as crooked as a Chicago politician!
As crooked, but more tasty!
Not that I would know from experience or anything.

I've got to say, this Steak n' Shake had one of the most interesting interiors to date.

First off, the bar was pretty cool. It didn't have an angled corner or anything.


And then there were mirrors, where most Steak n' Shakes have only windows.

Mirrors that looked almost two-way to me.

It's called "Marcy's attempt at being discreet."

One of the servers, Angela, told me that they're not -- that the mirrors are there instead of windows because the district manager's office is back there.

Frankly, though, that makes me more suspicious, and the fact that I didn't get to go test my theory didn't help, either.

Angela made me a little sad, not only for denying that the mirrors were two-way, but also because, upon hearing about my quest and how far I'd gotten so far, she stated that the 30 I had left was "a lot."

Frankly, that might be true, but considering I've got 40 out of the way, more than half and 10 more than how many remain, it was a bit discouraging.

Thankfully, the guy that I presume was the manager due to his attire was more supportive. Dude Looks Like a Brian, as I will call him because, well, he looked like a Brian (and lacked a name tag, so I had to fill it in myself), actually seemed excited about the quest.

He was also happy to take our group picture for the shot.


Just before he recommended a Steak n' Shake in Michigan City, putting me frighteningly close to that city with politicians whose crookedness rivals the South Bend milkshake's.

Stop #38: Anderson (#229)

The early part of October brought me and my quest to the Anderson Steak 'n Shake.


And by Anderson, I don't mean that guy who took over Oprah's time slot. Nothing against him, but he's not Steak 'n Shake, and he certainly doesn't house a Steak 'n Shake.

However, there's a decent chance you've heard of Anderson, or at least someone from Anderson. Especially if you watch some of the terrible MTV reality television (don't worry, I won't make you admit it here).

You see, Anderson is home to America's favorite "Teen Mom":

... it's Amber!

You may also recognize Amber's baby-daddy:

... it's Gary!

And you may be familiar with their shenanigans:

... domestic abuse!

I was hoping they'd show up, and then there could be a small recreation of what nearly went down back on Post & 25th. Sadly, they did not show up.

I hit (ha ha!) (okay, that's probably not actually funny, and neither is domestic abuse, but I do have to say that when you proceed with your domestic abuse in front of your reality TV cameras, you can't be surprised when you get called on it and, hey, the intelligence level that goes along with that kind of IS funny) the Anderson Steak 'n Shake with a friend from my part-time gig, Jen.

Jen's awesome people 'cause she got me some really cool wedding gifts:

A Steak 'n Shake t-shirt ...


... and the Steak 'n Shake trivia cards!


Turns out the trivia is not so much about Steak 'n Shake as it is about random facts that can be loosely tied to Steak 'n Shake.

Jen will share an example:

Every Steak 'n Shake Milk Shake is topped
with a maraschino cherry. How do you
pronounce maraschino?

While at the outset, this question SOUNDS like it will be about Steak 'n Shake, in reality, it is about CHERRIES and only loosely tied to Steak 'n' Shake through the fact that the cherries are tossed on top of the milkshakes.

They're still fun, but it made me a little sad, that it wasn't all Steak 'n Shake trivia directly.

Oh, and if you said it's pronounced "mar-uh-sheen-oh," you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. And have something in common with me. :)


Our server, Ashley, started asking us questions once she saw us sitting there with Steak 'n Shake trivia cards. I have to say, she was pretty fantastic, or at least I thought so, because she was actually excited by my quest. She asked questions, and then kept asking additional questions when she stopped by the table to bring us food and refill drinks and such.

That's pretty much all you have to do for me to like you, apparently: tell me my quest is cool.

Also, bring me and my friends fantastic food:


Yes, I am horrible: I got a Guacamole Burger, French fries, AND a grilled cheese.


... oh yeah. And Frisco sauce for my fries. Which I ended up using on the grilled cheese. Which is kind of like having a Frisco Melt minus the meat. So, while tasty, probably not something I'll do again until Lent. Unless I give up Steak 'n Shake for Lent. *Gasp* The horror!

In addition to being occupied by trivia cards while we ate food, Jen and I gave the anagram on the back of the placemat a go again.

And, wonder of wonders, discovered that it was actually a new anagram!


Did I mention it was a super-intense anagram? Seriously. Look at all those letters. Just look at them.

Fortunately, I did figure out what secret hidden message Steak 'n Shake was trying to convey this time.

UBYREREBL ASNPAEKC
YUTNROCLILKEST
OTBLOPROEL ' N USEGASA TLISEKL

translates to

ACKBAR'S BALLS, RUSTY SLINKY, GIN PEE, CAB LUTE, TROLL PELT, NOOO RUE EEK.

Clearly, someone wants us to use these ingredients to make some form of a witch's brew that would kill weasels, which we would later rue doing.

By the time we finished eating, got through some trivia, and finished up the anagram, a couple hours had passed -- and we STILL hadn't seen Amber and Gary.

It was a sad, sad night. Thankfully, Ashley was fantastic, so we at least left in good spirits.

Stop #34: Crawfordsville (#653)

On August 12, Emily and I squeezed in a stop at the Steak 'n' Shake in Crawfordsville.

We'd just had a fun girls' afternoon and evening -- I'd had to go to my final dress fitting, then we went shopping for wedding-related stuff, and finally came back to Emily's house for an alternate dress fitting. Meanwhile, the boys were out having Fiancé's bachelor party, camping in somewhere-that-wasn't here. With strippers. Because no bachelor party is complete without strippers.

Once we got to Steak 'n' Shake, Emily began working on some potential beading patterns for one of her many projects.

Meanwhile, I decided to write a story for our waiter, Cole.

Unfortunately, I suffered a bout of writer's block.


I ended up ordering food, in hopes that it would help.

Thankfully, the dress fitting I'd had hours earlier
shamed me into this slightly healthier version of dinner.

And miracle of miracles, it did!


Unfortunately, I began to run out of steam, and had to get something more. In the form of a cookie sundae, which I had till that day not tried.

Sense of shame? Looks like she ate it.
What will she eat next? The menu? The table?

And voila! More story!


As my story developed, I drafted Emily to help by crafting a "Magic Hat" as described in the story.

Of course, by "described", I mean "mentioned in passing, as I really was unsure as to how to describe a Magic Hat."

While she worked, I finished out the tale of Cole.


And, of course, tried on the Magic Hat, to make sure it would work. And I would have to say it did, as when I pointed my pen-wand and cried "Transcribicus storius!", it was transcribed here, in the Quest Blog.


Once upon a time, there was a Steak 'n' Shake server named Cole. He was a dedicated server, bringing all of his customers their food promptly and refilling drinks as necessary.
One day, he was visited by two girls, one of whom was on a quest -- a quest to visit every Steak 'n' Shake in Hoosierlandia. But Cole was unaware of her quest, and so treated her the same way he would anyone else -- with prompt food and quick refills.
Impressed, the girl called to him.
"Oh wise Cole!" she said. "Truly, you are a wise man, named Cole!" (Hey, I never said she was eloquent.)
Cole was stunned by her outburst and gave her a confused look.
"Because you have been so wise, oh Cole, I have a gift for you." She beamed as she handed something that looked vaguely familiar to him.
Cole's heart sank. "This? This is my gift for being the wise Cole?" He shook his head in disbelief. "This is a Steak 'n' Shake hat."
"But Cole!" she cried, aghast. "This is not just ANY Steak 'n' Shake hat! This is a MAGIC hat!"
"Magic, eh?" Cole said, for it turns out Cole was Canadian in a previous life. He tugged it over his head, pointed his pen at the light, and cried, "Avada Kedavra!"
The girl giggled. "Oh wise Cole, don't be silly! You can't kill the lights!"
Cole's face fell. "But Britney told me to."
Indeed, Britney Spears' voice was blaring through the speakers of the Steak 'n' Shake dining room, over a pounding dance beat.
The girl on the quest sighed and pointed at the hat.
"Yes, but you see, the Magic Hat is of Sword and the Stone ancestry. It is powerless when coupled with Harry Potter curses."
"And besides," added the other girl, who till now had sat silently, observing, "the Magic Hat must only be used for good, and never evil."
"She would know," the first girl said. "She created it."
Cole adjusted the hat on his head. "By the power vested in me," he said, for it turns out Cole was a Canadian preacher in a previous life, "I vow to never again attempt to use the Magic Hat for evil. Or split my infinitives."
"Huzzah!" the girls cheered, and there was great rejoicing in all Hoosierlandia.
From thence forward, the girl on the quest spread the story of the wise Cole and his triumph over evil. And split infinitives.

Once I finished the story, Emily and I got around to leave, and stopped just to take our group picture.

Unfortunately, sometimes self-timer doesn't so much work out.


Fortunately, sometimes the Steak 'n' Shake manager who is standing at the counter notices your failed attempts with the self-timer, and points out that he could take the picture for you, especially given the fact that he was a professional photographer before he worked at the Steak 'n' Shake.

Of course, I have to wonder why he's working at a Steak 'n' Shake now ....

Stop #30: Meijer Way, Lafayette (#266)

Stop #30 allowed me to finish out the Steak 'n' Shakes in Lafayette.


Stop #30 will also be known from now as "Mizener's Last Stand," as Mizener is leaving for Tejas this Sunday, which will probably prevent him from attending much more of the quest, in part because he won't be in Indiana anymore, and in part because he'll be in Texas, where there is a sad lack of Steak 'n' Shakes: only 19, concentrated in the Dallas, Austin, and Houston areas.


For his last stand, Mizener decided to try the Steakburger Royale, which he really enjoyed.

I, on the other hand, decided to go healthy ...

If you ignore the dressing, that is.

... then unhealthy.

It's not just any Double Steakburger and Fries.
That's a Double Steakburger and ROGUE CHEESE with Fries.

All this was joined in my belly by a Cherry Coke.

While hanging out at the Steak 'n' Shake on Meijer Way, Mizener and I befriended our waiter, Adam, who was awesome in part because he at least feigned interest in the quest -- though I'm tempted to say it wasn't fake interest, as he kept coming back to our table with different questions, including some related to the scariness of Steak 'n' Shakes in Indianapolis. I mentioned the stop at Post & 25th, but clarified that other than that, Indianapolis isn't so bad.

Adam also qualifies as one of the most awesome servers ever because he, too, plays sax.

"Oooh, which flavor?" I asked.

And, like me, he has played all the main ones. Though I guess I neglected to ask his primary, so I have no idea if he is indeed among my alto brethren, or just a tenor cousin.

All the same, I made him be in a picture with me. Just for playin' sax. See people? This is what you get when you're cool, and you play a sax. You get to hang with other cool people.


Of course, this got us all into a conversation about band jokes. Adam had not heard most of the ones that Mizener and I shared, so we ended up writing them down for him to keep permanently.


For the rest of you readers, who also love band jokes, I'm including a short collection here:

How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

How do you tune two flutes?
Shoot one.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.

What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Three drummers are in the back of a car -- who's driving?
The cop.

Two tubas walk by a bar.
It COULD happen.

What's the difference between an onion and an oboe?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.

What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
The country singer may have been on his way to a recording session.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the timpanist get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a bari sax?
Add vibrato.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.

Speaking of bass clarinetists, Brett suffered a joke while Mizener and I were out. I had been telling Mizener about some of the inappropriateness that had gone on at a family bridal shower the previous weekend -- namely inappropriateness involving the male organ, or items containing the image of one -- which brought up the Penis Game, which Mizener hadn't heard of.

"You haven't heard of the Penis Game?" I was appalled. "How could you not know about the Penis Game? Brett plays it a lot!"

"No, that's called masturbation," Mizener clarified.

I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't get around to adding that Fiancé likes to play the Penis Game all too frequently, too.

Also, for those unfamiliar with the Penis Game, it is definitely not a code word for masturbation -- probably because most people realize that that would be a terrible code word for such an activity. To play, you and whoever your playing with basically alternate turns saying "Penis," getting progressively louder until someone is shamed into not saying it again, meaning s/he loses.

An awesome place to try to play this game? Church. Not that I ever have. Though Brett probably has.

Unfortunately, Mizener and I did have to leave earlier than I would have liked to -- I had to drive back to Indy, and we wanted to squeeze a couple episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" in before I headed out.

So we got the Awesome Adam to take our picture, and headed out.


Thanks Adam! You rock! Best server ever? Definitely up there!

Stop #19: Emerson at 465, Indianapolis (#164)

On May 21, the quest brought me to the Steak 'n' Shake on Emerson at 465 on the south side of Indy.


It also brought some friends I don't see near often enough, as two of them live in St. Louis and the other two ... well, honestly, probably have better things to do than go to every Steak 'n' Shake in Indiana.

For the record, it is the friend from St. Louis who is mostly responsible for the sign for this trip.


Jen helped, too, but not before working on an anagram with her boyfriend, Joe.


Jen, who was once-upon-a-time an English major in college, said I was wrong about the anagram. It's the same one its always been, but she wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell her that

LAL UYO NCA TEA KENPCAAS

most certainly does not spell

ALL YOU CAN EAT PANCAKES.

If they're not teaching English majors how to do anagrams properly these days, I don't know what they're teaching them. And then I wonder who is going to fill the pages of Word Ways in the future. Which is a sad wonder to have, indeed.

Thanks to the email shared in the last post, I decided to give the California Double Steakburger (and fries) a try. I also figured the Key Lime milkshake sounded tasty, and got one of those.

Verdict: Tasty. At least on the shake. So tasty that I will have to try it again.

On the California Double Steakburger, I have just one thing to say: messy. It didn't taste half bad, but wasn't worth the mess it caused, in my opinion.

And there you have it, one of the few times this blog will ever be used to review the food.

More often, I do silly things like review the differences I see from one Steak 'n' Shake to the next. Such as the table extension we had on this trip.


We were seated at a booth, but had six people. Normally, I would think this just meant that you push a table on the end, and that's actually what this looked like to me at first. But if that's what you thought, too, then you are sorely mistaken, as was I. Well, without the "sorely" part.


The table actually extended out. I know, coolest thing ever, right?

Okay, maybe not ever, but until I see another Steak 'n' Shake with a semi-circle booth like the one we saw on 96th at Keystone, I don't think I'll get truly excited about furnishings ever again.

What was really the coolest thing ever was our server, Jason. Well, I suppose he's not really a thing. He's a he. And what makes him so cool is that we filled him in a bit on the quest and he listened. Anne even added that he should Google it ("Around the State in 70 Steaks and Shakes! Google it!"). And then, before we left, he did. On his smartphone. As we were each paying our portions of the check, he came out brandishing a phone displaying something that looked strikingly similar to my Mishawaka post.

"Is this your blog?" he asked.
"Um ... yes! It is! You rock!" I answered, after looking more closely. I left, of course, with a ginormous grin, because now people who don't know me might be looking at this thing.

And so, Jason, you are now my favorite server. Or at least tied with Waiter Tim (the saga of whom will be shared at a later point -- I'm thinking August), which puts you pretty damn high on the list. I do hope you come back and check out my blog again, in part so that you can read this span of paragraphs dedicated to you, in part because it will drive my page view stats up and will make me at least believe that more people are reading my blog.

For all this excitingness that happened, there was only one sad part to the trip: that Brett could not join us.

So Anne decided to make him be with us in spirit. Or at least in pixels.


Also, if you're here to play Catch Caragher, that one doesn't count. I'm far too proud of my sub-par photoshopping skills to let that slide. You'll have to look elsewhere.